Cause I'm Not Fine At All
by BlueNYellowConverse
Summary: They thought it was for the best. They thought they were gonna be okay. But little did they know, it was just breaking their hearts more than it should. -Based on Amneisa by 5SOS- One Shot /Raura


**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

**Enjoy!**

_**Cause I'm Not Fine At All**_

* * *

><p><em>I drove by all the places we used to hang out getting wasted<em>

* * *

><p>I was simply rushing to iHop because it was free pancake day as I stopped in traffic. I looked over to the side and saw something I wish I didn't see.<p>

It was the bar me and Ross used to get wasted at. I know it's been 11 months and I have a new boyfriend, I still really miss him. He would be so happy when I let him go there and he would secretly spike my cup so he wouldn't be drunk alone.

And I would get mad at him the morning after for doing so but he would laugh it off and say "C'mon Laur! Live a little! You're 21! It's legal for you to drink this." And even though I would still be mad, he would always bring a smile to a smile to my face.

My thoughts were cut by the driver behind honking their horn. I stepped on the gas and continued driving.

But anyways, those happy days are over. And I can never get them back.

* * *

><p><em>I thought about our last kiss, how it felt, the way you tasted<em>

* * *

><p>"Okay. I think that's the last of it." I said throwing away the lip gloss covered tissue. I rubbed my lips together only find that they were still greasy. I sighed. As much as Hope is amazing, she wear way too much lip gloss and it's fucking disgusting. And it's not even fruity. It's tastes like vaseline and I hate that so much.<p>

I tried to tell her but she said "It's designer." Yeah like I give an actual fuck if it's designer or not. Either the fruit kind or none at all.

Then the kiss brought me back to when I was with Laura. She never wore too lip gloss or anything nasty. She would always taste like pancakes because of this maple flavored lip gloss I got her one time. And even though she applied so little, her lips always tasted amazing and they nice and soft. Making every kiss we ever had bring me over the moon.

But I'm not with Laura now am I? No. No I'm not. I still wish I was. She was sweet, amazing and her kisses were amazing. But we just had to break up because I was always on tour. I understood. We never saw each other as much as we wanted. It's all fucking Andre's fault. He's probably the meanest and also creepiest manager ever. Things were better when Ryland was manager.

"Rossy poo! Can you come here?!" I hear her scream from outside of the door.

I sighed, "Coming!" I yelled back.

I looked into the mirror one last time and turned away and walked out of the bathroom.

No matter how many times I wish for Laura and her amazing kisses, neither of them will comeback.

* * *

><p><em>And even though your friends tell me you're doing fine,<em>

* * *

><p>"Laura. I can assure you, Ross is doing great, you don't have to worry all the time." Ellington said through the phone.<p>

"I'm sorry Ell. I've just been a bit off lately." I admit.

"A bit? You've been calling every hour!" He shouts.

I didn't say anything after that. Because I knew it was true. Ever since Ross and I broke up, I had that bit of hope that he would comeback to me. But it's too late.

"Laura," Ell says as his voices goes to a whisper. "Ross is completely fine. He's a bit down too but he's as happy as he can ever be. Is that okay?" He asks.

"Yes." I whisper.

"Good. And I gotta go, rehearsals are starting. Later." Ell says.

"Bye." I said as the line goes dead.

* * *

><p><em>Are you somewhere feeling lonely even though he's right beside you?<em>

* * *

><p>"Best boyfriend ever! Love you!" I read the caption on Laura's Instagram. It made my heart crack a little. Best Boyfriend Ever? Was I not good enough for that title? Because Laura never told me I was the best boyfriend ever. Nor when she posted pictures of us. She never told me that.<p>

Is she even a tiny bit lonely? I mean sure, he's always right there but does she ever get lonely? I mean she's gotta feel a little bit lonely at some points...

Because I know I'm always lonely without her.

* * *

><p><em>When she says those words that hurt you, do you read the ones I wrote you?<em>

* * *

><p>I wonder how Ross is doing with Hope... I hope (no pun intended) she's treating him right.<p>

When ever she hurts him, does he read all the cards and letters I've sent him? Does he read all the sweet words I took my precious time to write?

Because I still read all the letters that he's sent me. I read them every time I'm missing him. I carry one when I'm going to leave LA for a awhile. It just brings me back home.

And to him.

And who am I to blame for him not being there all the time? Me. I knew that tour would break us up for a while but it didn't mean we had to end the best relationship we ever had. The tour only lasted five months. That makes me feel so weak. I can last a whole lot of things for a very long time but not seeing my boyfriend for five months is really sad. I mean, I really love him... I guess the angry part got to me.

And maybe that's why he probably doesn't read my letters...

* * *

><p><em>Sometimes I start to wonder, was it just a lie?<em>

* * *

><p>I check my phone again from that nonexistent call from Laura. There was still nothing. Ever since we broke it off, she stopped calling, texting and well. Everything. It was like she wanted to get any type of contact away from her as soon as possible.<p>

And when I think of our break up, it was scary how she said it. The words flowed out of her mouth as if she practiced them over and over again. Was she waiting for that very moment to break my heart?

Just that thought makes me think our relationship was all just a lie. I mean, the break up didn't seem to affect her at all. It affected me a lot. But it seemed like it we were just a lie.

Like. It was all an act. Like she used me for the publicity... No. Laura wouldn't ever do that sort of thing on purpose. She's too sweet.

She wouldn't do that right?

* * *

><p><em>If what we had was real, how could you be fine?<em>

* * *

><p>"Hey Laura." Rocky said into the phone.<p>

"Hey Rocky." I said a bit timid into the speaker.

"Let me guess. You want to know how Ross is doing?" He deadpanned.

I sighed. "Yes."

"Laura. Seriously. Ross is completely fine. He and Hope are happy together. And you have got to stop calling every day. It's a bit annoying..." He trailed off.

"Look. I'm sorry. It's just when we broke up, I saw how heartbroken he was... And right then, I knew I went too far and I couldn't fix it. I just... Don't want him hurt again." I admit.

I hear him sigh and say, "I see. But just believe me when I say Ross is fine. Now bye Laura." He said.

"Bye." And after that, there was a beep.

If what we had was real, how could he be fine

* * *

><p><em>Cause I'm not fine at all<em>

* * *

><p>"What did she say?" I ask Rocky once he got off the phone.<p>

"I told her you were fine. And she said she was just worried. But she said okay. And then we hung up." He shrugged.

I widen my eyes at him.

"What?" He asked confused.

"Why did you tell her I was fine?" I whispered.

"I didn't want her to worry Ross." He said sympathetically.

"Me too." I said.

"Okay." And then he left the room.

If she really knew if I was fine or not.

She would know that I'm not fine at all.

* * *

><p><em>I remember the day you told me you were leaving<em>

* * *

><p>"Laura?" I hear Ross yell.<p>

"I'm in the living room!" I called back.

After hearing a few steps, he appeared from the front door.

"I have some news!" He smiled.

"What?" I smiled.

"We're going on tour!" He replied giddy.

"Ross that's awesome!" I said hugging him. "For how long?"

And that's when he was stiff.

"Ross?" I asked quietly.

"Um..." He stuttered.

"C'mon. You can tell me." I whispered.

"The tour lasts a... Year." He whispered.

I froze. A whole year?!

"A-A year?" I stuttered.

"Yeah..." He whispered.

"Ross... I-I don't know what to say..." I trail off.

"I'm so sorry Laura." He said dropping his hands from my waist.

* * *

><p><em>I remember the make up running down your face<em>

* * *

><p>"Can't you do anything about it?" Laura asked as tears ran down her face.<p>

"I can't!" I said slightly raising my voice.

"Well try!" She screamed.

"Don't you think I tried?" I gritted through my teeth.

"Try harder!" She yelled.

"Look! I can't shorten the tour. I have no control over the tour. Andre told the whole band that's it's final. Aren't you a little bit happy for me?!" I said finally screaming.

"You want to know the truth? I'm not! Okay? I barley spend time with you anymore! It's always the band. The band this the band that! I'm sick of it!" She screamed while the make up on her face started to smudge.

And what I said next basically crossed the line. "If you're sick of the band, that means you're sick of me. And now that I think of it, you stopped being supportive of my band since we started dating! Why am I spending time with something who's sick of me and my family?!"

She froze. Tears slowly flooded out of her eyes as she choked out her next sentence. "Well. I-I guess I should just go. I-It's obvious that I'm not need." And then she started to leave.

No no no no! She can't leave! "Laura! Please!" But it was too late. She was gone. And she took part of me with her.

A part that I'll never get back.

* * *

><p><em>And the dreams you left behind you didn't need them<em>

* * *

><p>"Are Ross and Hope engaged?! See page 5 for details!" Was what was on the tabloids today. So he's gonna marry her... He's going to live the rest of his life with her. Share his dreams with her.<p>

I guess all the dreams we had together he seem to leave behind him... I guess he didn't need them. Because he needs room for bigger and better dreams. And now that I think of it... Our dreams weren't big. They weren't amazing. They were just... Dreams.

Just pointless, meaningless, childish dreams. They meant nothing. Yet.

They mean so much to me and I don't know why. The more I think, the more valuable they become. I wish this wasn't happening. He's going to be a married man. Yet. Here I am, wallowing over him.

And to be honest... I broke up with my boyfriend a few days ago. I felt like I was using him. He didn't deserve what I had given him.

Just like how Ross didn't need the dreams with me and left them behind.

* * *

><p><em>Like every single wish we ever made<em>

* * *

><p>"Hey Laura! There's a shooting star!" I called from the other end of the pool.<p>

"What?! I'm coming over!" And then I watched her frantically swim to the other side. I laughed as she made giant splashes and almost let the water sallow her.

Once she made it, she asked "Did I miss it?!"

I glanced at the sky as I saw a streak of white fly across the sky.

"No. You're just in time." I whispered.

"Make a wish." She said as she closed her eyes.

"I already did." I whispered.

"What was it?" She asked.

"That wouldn't come true now would it?" I said kissing her hair.

"C'mon! Tell me. I'll tell mine." She said snuggling into my neck.

"Fine. It was to make sure we stay together forever. I never want to lose you." I whispered.

"That was mine too." She smiled.

"Let's hope that's true." I said before I kissed her.

"I love you." She whispered against my lips.

"I love you too Laur." I whispered back.

I guess that wish never came true. It was so stupid to say it out loud. Now that dream can never come true.

* * *

><p><em>I wish that I could wake up with amnesia<em>

* * *

><p>"It's official! Ross Lynch and Hope Meyers are getting married! Congrats you two lovebirds!" Was the title on this week's magazine. I blinked back any tears that were coming through my eyes.<p>

I can't believe it. He's actually getting married.

I wish I could forget the break up. I wish sometimes we didn't happen because this hurts so much. It hurts.

And now we'll really aren't ever going to be together. It's just too late. Too late to fix mistakes. Because we waited to long.

I wish that I could wake up with Amnesia.

* * *

><p><em>And forget about the stupid little things<em>

* * *

><p>"How about this red one?" Hope asks me as she puts on her 50th dress. I think. I zoned out after dress number 9... Or was it 6? I don't remember. But once I heard red, I snapped up to find Hope wearing a beautiful red dress... Red. Laura's favorite color... Snap out of it Ross! It's been well over a year! You guys... Aren't dating... Any... more... I felt the water works start to flow.<p>

"Give a me a minute." I said to her.

"Yeah. Yeah." She waved me off.

How am I marrying her? Oh yeah. Because me and Laura never worked out. I had a feeling we wouldn't. Co-stars aren't meant to last a long time. I guess me and Laura are on that list. I never thought we would even end up on that.

But I guess we did.

And then I thought back to the red dress. Dammit. I hate it. Every time I see red, I think of Laura. And how beautiful she would look. But once reality hits, I realize that I'll never see her in a beautiful red dress.

Why does all these stupid little things remind me of her?

Can they disappear?

Because I would really like that.

* * *

><p><em>Like the way it felt to fall asleep next to you<em>

* * *

><p>"Thanks pillow. You're a really good friend." I whispered to the large fluffy pillow I was holding. "I just wish you were a person not a pillow." I sobbed into the white cotton sheets.<p>

I wish this pillow was him. Whenever he forced me into sleeping with him, it was wonderful. He was hard and soft all at the same time. And he would wrap his arms around me and nuzzle his nose into my hair. I felt like I was in a peaceful, warm bliss.

I felt safe in his arms.

But this pillow isn't giving me anything. It fills the space that used to be Ross... But it's just not the same. I place the pillow back and stare at the empty space.

I gently rubbed the area with my hand. It was cold. It stopped being warm a long time ago.

If only I didn't leave him. Then the spot would be warm. And it would be filled.

But I guess I'll have to deal with being alone...

* * *

><p><em>And the memories I never can escape<em>

* * *

><p>"Okay! Open your eyes!" Hope cheers.<p>

I hesitantly open my eyes and see ocean. Beautiful, sparkling ocean. The waves were gently crashing onto the sand. It was amazing.

"My friend Lauren said this place is beautiful! And boy she does not disappoint." She smiled.

Laura...

Dammit. Everything has to remind me of her.

All the memories just seep into my mind with everything. Red. Go-Gurt. Lips. Kisses. Just... Everything.

And no matter hard I try,

I can never escape them.

* * *

><p><em>Cause I'm not fine at all<em>

* * *

><p>3 days. Two hours. 50 minutes. And 47 seconds. Oh! 48... 49... 50... 51... 52... 53... Ugh. Laura cut it out.<p>

So it's been three days since they announced they tying the knot. As much as I want to be happy... I can't.

I just. Can't. Ross was everything to me. Oh wait. He still is.

Why did my life come to this? This isn't fair. Well. Nothing in life is fair but life played this sick twisted game on me.

Now Ross is getting married and I'm alone. Because I lost the best relationship I ever had.

Why is Ross so happy? Does he miss us just a little bit? Why?

Cause I'm not fine at all.

* * *

><p><em>The pictures that you sent me they're still living in my phone<em>

* * *

><p>While Hope was doing... Whatever, I clicked on some photo album that was titled "LOML" It was a weird title and the album's cover was dark. So naturally, I tapped it and then the first picture.<p>

Laura.

And then it hit me. LOML stood for Love of My Life. I made this when we were still dating. I told her she was the love of my life. I told her every picture she would send me would be in this folder. So I made sure the folder was private upon her request.

And it was the first time I told her I love her in person. And then she told me she loved me too. But now she'll never hear the words come out of my mouth ever again. And I'll never hear it from hers. All I have are these photos that were taken ages ago. The last one being the day before we broke up.

I flicked back to the the first picture. It was the first photo we took to start the album. We were so happy. So carefree.

But that happiness and carefreeness didn't come with Hope. It was all shopping and making out. I don't why I'm dating her. I guess my mind told to be to move on and never go back to her.

I guess my mind was wrong.

* * *

><p><em>I'll admit I like to see them, I'll admit I feel alone<em>

* * *

><p>I rubbed my thumb up and down the frame of the picture. Letting the smooth sides glide under my thumb.<p>

If you're wondering what the picture was, it was when me and Ross had our first date. He came to pick me up and my dad started giving him a list of stuff he shouldn't do. To say he was embarrassed by the list would be an understatement. The color drained from his face and he started stuttering. And my mom thought it was the perfect opportunity to capture a picture.

To this day, I always had to framed. It was too precious. It was the day I knew this relationship would be perfect.

But it never did.

Now I'm just staring at a picture that was taken a long time ago.

And I'll admit. I feel alone without him. My life had this huge gap for so long and he filled it, then I took him out and the gap was empty again.

* * *

><p><em>And all my friends keep asking why I'm not around<em>

* * *

><p><em>Ross! Its been weeks! Why haven't hung out with us? :( We miss you bud<em> I read the the new text from Rydel.

She was right. Ever since that day, I slowly stopped hanging out with friends and family. And when Hope came along, I only saw 1-2 times a month. Then once we got engaged, I never saw them. I really miss them.

But I still remember how everyone was so close with Laura. And All the fun we had. I can't let them comeback.

As much I as I miss my friends. My heart's just holding me back.

And I don't know why.

* * *

><p><em>It hurts to know you're happy, yeah, it hurts that you've moved on<em>

* * *

><p>I just saw a new picture of them and... He looks so happy. I haven't seen him this happy when we were dating. His eyes were glistening with love, he teeth were flashing through, and he just seem so so happy.<p>

And just looking at his smile, it puts a pang in my heart. It hurts every single time. I mean. It's great that he's happy. It just hurts to know he's happy.

And he moved on. I moved for like two months while he moved on for 2 years now. Which hurts even more. Because I knew wasn't good enough to be kept for long. But it was all my fault. I left him. I broke up with him.

I ruined everything.

And now I'm facing all the consequences of it.

* * *

><p><em>It's hard to hear your name when I haven't seen you in so long<em>

* * *

><p>"Hey Rossy. I was watching TV and that Laura girl you used to work with on it." Hope said as she ate her 'vegan' food. Which really wasn't vegan.<p>

"Oh... Laura..." I replied a bit hesitant.

"Did you like date her or some shit?" I cringed a little when she cusses. I wish I wasn't gonna marry this woman. But I have to keep Riker happy. He was the one who introduced me to her to begin with.

"Um..." I didn't know what say because she never asked this question... "Yes." I mumbled as picked at my food.

"Thank god she left or whatever. And you're marrying me." She cheered.

I rolled my eyes at her selfishness. She never really cared about me.

"Well. Let's forget about that Laura girl and talk about me!" And she rambled about herself and other shit.

I placed a hand over my heart as it processed the name Laura. It still hurts to hear her name when she's not there. I wish I could get her back. Because just the day I was going to head to her house and make up, Riker shows up and shoves Hope into my arms. Now I'll never get Laura back.

Dammit Riker.

* * *

><p><em>It's like we never happened, was it just a lie?<em>

* * *

><p>"<em>You are cordially invited to the wedding of Ross Shor Lynch and Hope Jess Meyers. Date: October 26, 2023 5:00 PM Dress formally" <em>Was what the invitation I got in the mail had said. I have a feeling Ross snuck this behind Hope's back. Because I know Hope wouldn't want her husband-to-be's ex girlfriend show up and ruin everything thing.

So this is it. It's written in sparkly gold ink that he's marrying another woman, and it kind of sickening how quickly he moved on. One day he was upset.

Then the next, his arms were around another girl.

It's like we never happened. Like, he was single this whole time and he finally finds the one.

And it was all just a white lie. If he loved me,

He would have comeback.

And I waited for him to comeback.

And he never came back.

* * *

><p><em>If what we had was real, how could you be fine?<em>

* * *

><p>For the first time in a million years, I finally asked Rocky to call Laura for me to see how she's doing.<p>

"Why do I have to do it? Why can't you?" He snapped.

"I'm scared." I admitted in a small voice.

I hear him sigh. "Fine. I'll do it. Man. Why did Riker have to introduce you to Hope?"

"I have no clue. But that was the worst decision he has ever made." I sighed.

"Agreed."

"I wish I could end it with her, but I can't. I can't hurt Riker's feelings."

"I know how you feel bro." He patted my back.

"Can you call her now?" I asked.

He didn't say anything and left the room.

A couple minutes later, he reappeared.

"Well?"

"She's doing fine."

* * *

><p><em>Cause I'm not fine at all<em>

* * *

><p>I tossed my phone across the room. Dammit Laura! Why do you always gotta lie?! It's pretty clear you are not okay. It's clear you are not fine.<p>

So why did you say that?

I don't know. I really don't know. I'm such an idiot. I shouldn't have lied. But I did. I lied to not only Rocky. But to Ross. It's so stupid. I keep lying to him. It's not right.

Because it's pretty clear that he's still mourning. And I go lie to him saying I'm fine.

And it's also clear that I'm not fine at all.

* * *

><p><em>[Chorus]<em>

* * *

><p><em>If today I woke up with you right beside me<em>

* * *

><p>I woke up the next day with pain in my chest. I can already feel this will not be a good day. I looked over to my side, excepting Laura, but I see a head of blonde hair. And it hits me that I'm not with Laura anymore.<p>

Jesus Ross. It's been two years. Build a bridge and get over it.

But... I loved her more than anyone else. Even my bride to be.

If I could wake up right beside her,

I would.

But this blonde wannabe is gonna be my wife and I don't like it one bit. She's selfish, uncaring, stupid, wearing far too much make up and she never does anything. I have done everything by myself and she didn't give a damn.

It disgusts me that I'll be waking up next her for the rest of my life.

I can already feel my life coming down on me.

* * *

><p><em>Like all of this was just some twisted dream<em>

* * *

><p>I hear a knock on my door. Confused, I got up slowly and walked towards it. I unlocked the door and opened it.<p>

The first thing I saw was a gray t-shirt. Wow. This person must be really tall. I look up to see a pair of hazel eyes I haven't seen in years.

"Ross?" I whispered.

"Hey..." He whispered.

"How?" I whispered.

"I snuck out. If I knew I was never going to see you again, I might aswell try before its too late." He answered.

"I don't know what to say..." I whispered.

"It's fine. I'll go." He said and started to leave.

"No!" I shouted. He turned around a bit shocked from my suddenly loud voice.

"Can... I have one last hug? Just for old times sake?" I asked nervously.

He smiled. "Sure."

Then he wrapped his arms around me and I wrapped mine around his neck.

"I love you baby." He whispered.

"I love you too." I said.

I slowly let go to see his tear stained face. I sighed softly.

"Ross. Don't be sad."

"How? I'll never see you again for the rest of my life." He choked out.

I didn't say anything. When I looked up again, he was gone. My eyes widen as I frantically looked around.

No one.

It was like he disappeared like a ghost. I started to panic. I must be hallucinating. I rubbed my eyes together.

I was in my bed. I was no longer at the door.

What the hell?!

* * *

><p><em>I'd hold you closer than I ever did before<em>

* * *

><p>"Babe. Let go of me. I can not. I repeat. Can not. Be touched like this. I thought you understood this!" Hope grunts as she aggressively pushes my arms off her body.<p>

"I'm sorry." I mumbled half heartedly.

"You better be!" She screeches. And then she flips over and goes back to sleep.

I sighed. Hope never wants me to hold her unless we're in public. It's ridiculous. But, I just wish she would let me do it. Just once. Because the last person I held, I didn't hold them close enough. And they fled.

But the person I'm forced to hold closer obviously doesn't like to be touched. Just in public. And only. In public.

Never when we're alone. Whenever I want to do something, she goes through this crazy rant about how she doesn't want to be touch. If she wasn't a girl, I would've slapped her across the face.

How are we getting married again?

* * *

><p><em>And you'd never slip away<em>

* * *

><p>A star shot across the sky as another tear quietly dropped down my face and on to the painted window sill.<p>

This is pointless.

No matter how many tears slip out of my eyes or the stars shooting across the sky,

He'll never comeback. Ever.

Because heaven knows I had my chance and I blew it. Now, I will have to wallow around as my punishment for letting him slip away.

I really shouldn't have done it. But I did. Because I was foolish, selfish and careless.

If I had another chance. To do it over.

I wouldn't let him slip away.

* * *

><p><em>And you'd never hear me say<em>

* * *

><p>"Hey." I said entering Riker's apartment.<p>

"Hey. Why did you call?" He asked.

"Look Riker. I know it's been almost three years and I should have said this months ago, but... Why did you set me up with her?" I asked timidly.

He bit his lip as if he was too nervous to speak. "Because I wanted you to move on." He choked out.

"Why? I wasn't ready to move on. I was ready to go back to her. I wanted her. Because she was the best damn thing that ever happened to me."

"I didn't know that. I thought, maybe if I pushed you away from Laura... You wouldn't want her anymore. I'm so sorry Ross. But it's too late anyway. You guys are going to get married in four days." Riker apologized.

"I know. And we spent a shit load of money. And Hope's a fucking diva." I sighed.

"You never said any of that when you were with Laura..."

"Because Laura refused to spend money. She wanted nothing more than a movie and a picnic. And she would only be a diva in a cute and silly way. Hope is an overdramatic wannabe queen."

"True."

"If I was still with her you'd never hear me say..."

* * *

><p><em>[Chorus]<em>

* * *

><p><em>Cause I'm not fine at all<em>

* * *

><p>I blew my 100th tissue and tossed it aside, leaving a string of snot across my face. Gross.<p>

Doesn't matter. There's more problems in this world than excess snot on my face.

One of them being Ross getting married in four freaking days. In four days, he will be a married man.

In four days, he will have his Mrs. Lynch.

In four days, I'll breakdown because it's too late.

Maybe in four days, I'll just end it. It's not like I'll ever find love again.

Or become a cat lady.

The second choice seems to the be the best option.

But I still won't be okay.

Because I don't know if he really loves her... But then again. He probably does...

* * *

><p><em>No I'm really not fine at all.<em>

* * *

><p>"I hate my life." I said the squirrel gnawing away at an acorn.<p>

It looked at me blankly before scurrying away into the forest. I sighed. My life sucks. If I could go back, and comeback to Laura just one hour earlier, we would not be in this shitty mess.

And now I'm fucking getting married. And getting cold feet is something I don't believe in.

And now I wish I did. So I ditch Hope for Laura. Because she's the only girl I truly love. But I guess, I have to learn to love Hope. I just have to learn to love and accept the fact that she's my wife.

It's not gonna be easy. But I'll have to try.

Even if this crushes me in the process.

* * *

><p><em>Tell me this was just a dream<em>

* * *

><p>"And now I present you, husband and wife. You may kiss the bride." The priest announced as the couple shared a sweet kiss.<p>

It's official. He's married. And my heart is breaking at just the thought of it.

Ugh. Get over it Laura. He doesn't love you. He stopped. He can't just love another woman the same way he loves his wife.

But the fact that he loves her is heartbreaking. Like everything we ever had was nothing.

I glanced over at the couple just to see him whisper "I love you" and kiss her softly as she laughs softly.

I kept a tight smile to refrain from frowning. I slowly got up and walked towards the couple.

"Congrats guys." I said still keeping the forced happy tone and smile.

"Thanks." Hope answered gleefully. Ross just nodded. I can tell he didn't want to say anything.

"Well. Have an amazing life together." With that I ran. Ran as far away from the wedding as I possibly could. As I ran, millions of tears ran down my face. I couldn't breathe. I stopped at a tree and sobbed.

Why? Why did this have to happen to me?

Please tell me this is just a nightmare.

Tell me this was just a dream.

* * *

><p><em>Cause I'm really not fine at all.<em>

* * *

><p>"I can't believe we're actually married." Hope whispered.<p>

I gulped. "Yeah. Me too." Luckily for her, she didn't catch the glumness in my voice.

"I'm going to my mom. See you in a bit hubby." She said as she kissed my cheek.

Once she left, I sat down at the table in the back of the room. I plopped my self down and pulled out a photo.

My last kiss with her. It was such a beautiful day. And little did I know, the next day I would lose her forever. And from that day on, we went our separate ways. We found other people despite our hearts telling us this all wrong and this is only hurting us more. But we didn't listen. We thought this was for the best and we weren't meant to be. And even though I should be happy right now, today is just the worst. I'm not marrying that girl. And I'll never get the girl I truly love.

Cause I'm not fine at all.

**A/N: So. This one shot. Took. A. Very. Long. Time. I started October... 7? and I finished last Friday. That's four weeks. 6 thousand words. And one tried 14 year old. There were tears. Songs. And being frustrated all at the same time. It sucked. But. It was totally worth every second. So I hoped you enjoyed (or hated. Either is fine.) this one shot! :D Read and Review! And P.S. I have no clue when the next chapter of IDWTBIHT will be up... So DONT ASK ME THAT QUESTION OR I'LL FIND YOU. **

**-BNYC**


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